


Already Someone Else's

by blobfishbells



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Hurt, Jaemin is kind of a douche, Love Triangles, M/M, Marriage, Moving On, Not Norenmin, POV Lee Jeno, POV Na Jaemin, Partner Betrayal, This is basically Jaemin regretting his life choices, but we still love him ok?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blobfishbells/pseuds/blobfishbells
Summary: After Jaemin cheats on Renjun, his long-term boyfriend, the other boy disappears from his life. Jaemin realizes how dumb he was and is set to get Renjun back no matter how long it takes to find him. But what happens when he discovers that Renjun is dating his new friend and co-worker, Jeno?
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 16
Kudos: 86





	Already Someone Else's

**Author's Note:**

> Hi~  
> So the basic idea of this fic is taken from two songs -exile by Taylor Swift and Baby by Clean Bandit-. They came on shuffle while I was showering and I was suddenly struck with the idea (inspiration comes from the weirdest places, I tell you).  
> I basically wrote this for myself but I really hope you all enjoy it!  
> Funny thing is I DO ship norenmin but I wanted to keep this as I had imagined. Maybe someday in the future I'll write more about them ♥
> 
> I'll drop the link of the spotify playlist I created to write this just in case you feel like listening to something while you read (They're not in order so shuffle at your heart's content hehe)  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4gRe4TFKWD0GxrJpOQYDvi?si=NJSvenKrSqC_Ghcr46oaLw&nd=1

It was hard to pinpoint exactly when Jaemin fell in love with Renjun.

Maybe it was the first time he lay eyes on him. When Renjun accompanied his friend Donghyuck to the trials for the hockey team. Jaemin remembers that the shorter boy told him not to go soft on his friend and Jaemin had been intrigued by his snarkiness and the pretty smile on his face.

Maybe it was that time when they started leaving secret notes to each other inside the books they would check out from the library. Jaemin always wondered how Renjun's handwriting was as pretty as his smile. The notes didn’t say anything substantial, they just talked about their courses, their classmates, hobbies, passions… but Jaemin treasured them nevertheless.

Maybe the feelings started when he watched Renjun dance for the first time. He had sneaked in the dancing club practice with the help of Hyuck just to see the boy that occupied his mind daily. Unfortunately, Jaemin had never been good at being sneaky so he was discovered quickly and scolded by the club’s president, Ten. But it all turned out alright in the end because Renjun waited until everyone had left the class to call for Jaemin and dance for him alone. Jaemin could still remember how his heart skipped a beat whenever the dancer looked at him during his routine.

Or maybe it was that time they were sitting together under a tree and Renjun was drawing patterns on Jaemin’s arm, and Jaemin thought nothing could surpass that moment. He remembers clearly how Renjun had traced the words “I like you” on his arm with his delicate fingers and had quickly retracted his hand when Jaemin stiffed. He sometimes laughs when he recalls that Renjun tried to run away but Jaemin stopped him by screaming the same words that had been drawn on his arm. 

It might also have been when they had their first kiss. His hockey team had a very important match and Jaemin had made the winning score. When he looked out of the rink, he saw Renjun running towards him and, to everyone's surprise, the short boy practically knocked Jaemin over and kissed him right in front of his teammates, the other university's team, and the audience… Jaemin wondered if that's how heaven tasted.

Despite not knowing when or how exactly had happened, one thing was for sure. He was completely in love with Huang Renjun and by the grace of any powerful being in the sky (if there was one), Renjun loved him too.

They had their fights and arguments like any other couple and Jaemin even remembers how Mark told him that he didn’t think they would last but Jaemin was determined to prove him wrong.

And that, he did. They were together for three years during university and after both of them graduated, Jaemin invited Renjun to live together with him, and Renjun, who was also irrevocably in love with Jaemin, had accepted without giving it a second thought. 

They had a blast. Having little shopping dates and romantic dinners on the living room floor were their love language. Renjun liked surprising Jaemin. Sometimes it was some freshly baked cookies or a new set of couple sweaters, some other times, he would fill the house with little post-it notes. Usually, they contained some positive messages for both of them. Jaemin collected each and every one of them and kept them all safe inside a box he kept as a treasure chest.

However, they soon found that the adult world didn’t move with love alone. They had bills to pay and couldn’t depend on their parent’s money forever. Luckily, Jaemin found a job quickly thanks to his best friend Mark, who found a spot in his workplace for him. Jaemin, who was used to moving around, wasn’t really thrilled about office work but he couldn’t afford to be picky.

On the other hand, Renjun found a job as a dance teacher at a nearby academy. He was thrilled about doing something he loved but he was aware that the pay wasn’t that much compared to Jaemin.

The first months weren't that hard. It was indeed difficult to get used to this new routine the both of them had but Renjun had always insisted on going on dates every two weeks so as to keep the relationship alive and not take it for granted. Jaemin had loved the idea and he tried his best to keep his boyfriend happy. He would book fancy restaurants once in a while or order some Chinese food and eat it together inside the bedroom, not caring if the sheets got dirty.

But not everything in the garden is rosy.

“We need to cut down on our spending…” Renjun mentioned once after studying the bills. Goods and services’ prices kept going up and their salary barely covered up the expenses. 

Coincidentally, it had been a bad day at Jaemin’s work. He wanted to get a higher position at work so that he could get a raise. Unfortunately, that entailed taking up more responsibilities and doing a good job at them, which of course was time and energy-consuming. He wasn’t in the right state of mind when Renjun talked about their expenses, and especially when his boyfriend had mentioned cutting the internet supply and paid TV, arguing that they were not a necessity at the moment.

“It’s not like YOU pay for them anyways. Your salary barely covers the electricity.” His words had been harsh and he was aware of that now. But at that moment, he felt exploited and unappreciated.

He would never forget Renjun’s angry expression. That had been their first big fight and the first time Jaemin had slept on the couch.

Sadly, it would not be the last time.

* * *

It was hard to pinpoint exactly when Jaemin felt Renjun was a nuisance.

Maybe it was after that fight when the shorter boy refused to lock eyes or even speak to him. Jaemin remembers that from that day, the positive post-it notes started to diminish. At that time, he was sure he wasn’t in the wrong, Renjun was just being stubborn. He couldn’t see that Jaemin was making an effort for the both of us, he was being selfish, he didn’t understand cause unlike Jaemin, Renjun actually loved his job from the start while Jaemin had to learn to like it.

Maybe it was when he returned home from work and his dinner wasn’t prepared and safely tucked in the refrigerator as always. It had never occurred to Jaemin that Renjun could also have bad days at work and feel discouraged. How could Renjun even think about being unhappy when Jaemin was working his ass off for the both of them? 

Maybe that horrible feeling started when Jaemin had ditched one of their dates to attend a party that the company was holding. He remembers having a great time drinking as if there was no tomorrow, flirting with other co-workers, and subtly caressing under the table the tight of the woman sitting next to him. That was the first night he didn’t come home. He wished it would have been the last one.

Maybe that horrible feeling started when they were invited to Hyuck and Mark's wedding and Renjun asked him if he saw them getting married in the future, and Jaemin had stayed silent. He had to admit that during the previous weeks, Renjun had done everything possible to mend their relationship. Jaemin had been touched by his boyfriend's efforts and got reminded of the uncontrollable love he felt for Renjun once. Despite that, Jaemin wasn’t sure if he was ready for such a strong commitment. He would never say it out loud but there was no denying that he found certain enjoyment in his night escapades.

Still, he couldn’t bring himself to break up with Renjun. Even thinking about it left a bad taste in his mouth. Was it love? Was it comfort? He wasn’t sure but what he did know was that he was not planning on breaking up with Injun for a long time.

But Jaemin learned the hard way that not everything turns out as we plan it. 

It was his fault, he had been reckless. Mark had found him making one with one of the secretaries in a meeting room. And even though Mark was his friend, he was now Donghyuck’s husband and he didn’t like keeping secrets from his husband, not when it entailed Donghyuck’s best friend, Renjun.

Jaemin had found him crying his eyes out in the living room, surrounded by letters, post-it notes, handmade gifts they had made for each other, all torn apart. He had tried to explain himself but Renjun didn’t want to hear it. 

“I’m sorry…” Jaemin whispered, and Renjun shook his head.

“You’re not. If you were sorry I wouldn’t be lying on the floor crying like a dumb idiot.” Renjun looked at him with such coldness that it startled Jaemin for a second. He never wanted Renjun to see him like that, his heart couldn’t bear it.

“Give me another chance. I promise I will be better for you.” He felt all that was important to him slipping through his fingers like sand and he was closing his hands desperately to save even one little speck of it. "I won't do it ever again, please… Please, give me another chance."

Renjun just kept shaking his head repeatedly, refusing to meet Jaemin's eyes. “I really thought you were the one for me, Jaemin. I gave myself to you entirely… Now I don’t even know who I am… ” Jaemin couldn't stand it. He tried to grab Renjun's arm when the other stood up but the shorter males shoved his hand away. Jaemin relaxed a little when he saw Renjun entering the bedroom. Maybe this was just one of those nights where Jaemin would have to sleep on the couch, maybe they could talk it over in the morning and everything would be alright again, he will work harder, he will not take Renjun for granted anymore, he was ready to do anything to gain his boyfriend's forgiveness. But his hopes were crushed when Renjun emerged out of the room with a bag hanging from his shoulder.

“No... no, no, no. Don’t go… Where are you going? Let’s talk this over… Let’s fix this.”

Renjun swallowed the lump on his throat. His eyes were red from so much crying and he was sniffing constantly. “There’s nothing to talk about. You made your choice…” He then opened the front door, ignoring Jaemin calls. “I’m making mine now.”

Before Renjun could pass through the threshold, Jaemin hugged him from behind. He was crying, begging for Renjun not to go. He could feel how the shorter boy’s shoulders trembled, how Renjun started crying once again, all because of him.

“Don’t make this harder… You’ll get over this… While I’ll always be the idiot who got his heart broken.” Jaemin could only shake his head uncontrollably at Renjun’s words and buried his head on his boyfriend’s neck.

“I know I fucked up… but I love you. I love you so much, Injun.”

“Don’t call me that.” Renjun’s words were cold as a knife and they hurt but it was nothing like the hurt Renjun was feeling right at that moment.

“Please… I know you still love me too…”

“I do, Jaemin… I love you so much… and that’s why this hurts a hundred times more.” 

Renjun gritted his teeth and shook Jaemin off him. Without another word, he crossed the door, putting an end to something that could have been beautiful but was ruined by Jaemin’s idiocy.

* * * 

It was hard to pinpoint exactly when Jaemin felt losing Renjun had been the worst mistake of his life.

It might have been at that exact moment when he watched Renjun leaving. He wanted to follow him but his feet did not respond. He was also afraid, so afraid of messing it up even more, of hearing more hurtful words come out of Renjun's mouth. 

He remembers he picked up the pieces of letters and presents scattered around on the living room floor and stitched them together again. He saved all the letters inside his special box and he stuck the post-it notes he found there on the wall. But he then learned it hadn’t been such a great idea, because when he woke up the next morning and saw the room covered by the sticky notes, he had the fleeting hope that Renjun had come back, only to realize half a second later that it had been him who had put up the notes. He cried a lot that night.

Maybe it was when he arrived home from work and there was no one there who asked him how his day had been, who gave him a hug or a kiss. There was no freshly made dinner on the table or a plate safely tucked in the refrigerator for whenever he arrived too late. There was no one urging him to play some random board game before going to bed. No one occupied the bathroom whenever he wanted to use it. There was no one he could hold at night to recharge for the next day.

Or maybe it was that time he passed through the dance academy where Renjun worked and watched him through the big window that faced the street. Jaemin was taken back to the past, to that day in college where there were only the two of them in their own world and Jaemin thought he could watch Renjun dance forever. 

But this Renjun was not the same as the one he had watched dance back in college. The Renjun in college had looked ecstatic, happy, cheerful… This Renjun looked empty, hollow, lost. And that was the sign Jaemin needed to not enter the place and look for him. He had made Renjun like that.

A month went by and Jaemin couldn’t seem to get over Renjun as the older man had said. He saw him everywhere, in every corner of every room, in every cup of tea that his coworkers made for themselves, in every dancing show he watched on TV. 

He had tried to call him, to send him messages but he was devastated when he found out Renjun had blocked him. Not only his number but in all his social media as well. But Jaemin was set on win Renjun back, no matter what it took

He would wait for him outside the dance studio and the only time they locked eyes with each other, Renjun walked right past him and ignored his calls. Jaemin had even thought about following him to find out where he was staying but Renjun had quickly taken a cab and disappeared from his sight in a heartbeat.

Renjun didn’t come back to the academy after that day.

Things with Mark were also kind of awkward. Their relationship hadn’t been the same after he and Renjun broke up, but Jaemin didn’t hold anything against him. It was his own decisions and actions that destroyed the greatest love he had ever found.

Men and women kept approaching him but he always denied them. He didn’t want to have anything to do with them anymore. He didn’t know what had come over him when he betrayed Renjun with those people… They were not Renjun, he didn’t want them.

His coping mechanism was basically drinking until he could feel no more. He would go out to a random bar and ask for the strongest drink they had and then proceeded to lose himself completely in the alcohol.

It was in one of those nights when his mind decided to play tricks on him and made Renjun appear right in front of his eyes. He was on the dance floor, laughing, having fun… without him. Jaemin felt a pang on his chest and his legs moved on their own, guiding him to the dance floor, right behind his hallucination.

“Are you having fun without me?” His tone was somber, full of sadness. The hallucination turned around and looked at him with wide eyes.

“Jaemin…” Fuck, even the voice was the same. He missed hearing his name coming out of Renjun’s mouth. If this was a dream, he didn’t want to wake up ever again. Once again, the alcohol took control of his body and hugged the petit boy who was right in front of him.

It all felt too real to be true… but he knew better than to get high hopes only to be disappointed once again. Still, Renjun’s hallucination fit perfectly in his arms, just as the real Renjun did.

“Why did you leave me? Don’t you know I love you so much… I long for you every day.” He whispered in the other person’s ear. Then, his hand moved to cup Renjun’s face. His cheeks were warm to the touch, exactly as Jaemin remembered. 

When their lips met each other, it was also exactly as Jaemin remembered it. The hotness of his mouth, the softness of his lips, the warmness of his tongue. It had been so long, and he wanted more.

Jaemin began to feel that maybe this wasn’t a dream when he felt Renjun below him, buried on the sheets they knew so well, where both of them had lost themselves in each other more than once. It was all too real, all too at once. His mind was filled with Renjun. Renjun kissing him, Renjun sucking him, Renjun riding him, Renjun moaning, Renjun whimpering, Renjun, Renjun, Renjun.

This was it. This was the opportunity he had searched for. Jaemin was sure that when they both woke up and looked at each other in the morning, everything would be alright again and they would begin a new chapter on their story.

But the reality was harder than any dream.

When Jaemin woke up, there was no one next to him, only an empty bed, a floor full of clothes and condoms, and a broken heart.

Renjun had left him without looking back once again.

* * *

It took Jaemin a year and a half to come to terms with the fact that there was simply no getting over Huang Renjun.

After that fateful night, he had tried to find him again. He kept going to the studio, even though he already knew Renjun didn't work there anymore. He also went back to that same club where they had met last time, but he never got to see Renjun there again.

Little by little, he started putting his life back together, or at least he tried to. He stopped drinking, he stopped actively looking for Renjun, he cooked his own meals and he tried to move on however he could. However, he was aware that he would always remain incomplete. He knew that he would still see Renjun in all the things he liked, in all the squared post-it notes that filled his office, in all the couples that held hands on the street.

On the bright side, things at work were going smoothly for once. He got a very important promotion which won him a higher income, people at work respected him and looked up to him. Maybe in another situation, he would be ecstatic about this but he couldn’t bring himself to celebrate.

It was around that time when Jeno started working at the office. Jaemin had been assigned to show him around and train him which was kind of a nuisance to him since he was working on a very big project at the moment and didn’t welcome the distraction. However, Jeno proved to be efficient very quickly and followed Jaemin’s every word without causing him any trouble. They became friends rather quickly.

Jeno was really popular in the office since the moment he set foot there. Jaemin could see why. Not only was the guy handsome but he was also nice and polite, he could see the appeal. Everyone wanted a piece of him but Jeno never seemed to mind the attention. 

Jaemin understood why when he heard Jeno declining a dinner invite explaining that he was already in a relationship.

Word spread quickly and soon everyone wanted to know who had been the lucky girl who had snatched Jeno’s heart. How long have they been together, at what stage was their relationship, how did she look like? However, Jeno always seemed nervous whenever someone asked him about his girlfriend.

Unlike everyone else, Jaemin wasn’t all that interested and Jeno seemed to appreciate that so naturally, he spent all his breaks with Jaemin as to not be attacked with questions by his other co-workers.

“Actually… I’m gay…” Jaemin doesn’t remember what they were talking about at that time or how the conversation had taken that turn. What he remembers is that Jeno was flustered and looking at his untouched food. Jaemin suddenly understood why Jeno had refused to talk about his supposed “girlfriend.” 

He didn’t have a girlfriend. He had a boyfriend.

Jaemin shrugged and ruffled the other boy’s hair. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of… After all, you’re talking with a bisexual man.”

Jeno’s head quickly moved upwards and smiled, his eyes forming small crescents. Then, the boy proceeded to tell Jaemin how relieved he was to find someone he could rely on at work.

The conversation dragged on and Jeno dropped the question Jaemin had been dreading. “What about you Jaemin? Do you have someone special?”

Time stopped, and the only thing Jaemin could think about was thin lips, slanted eyes, a small nose, and a soft velvety voice calling his name. Renjun. There had never been anyone as special as him in his life.

“I used to, but… I ruined it.” Jeno seemed to have noticed the somber atmosphere so he decided to drop the issue. Still, Jaemin gave him a piece of advice. “That boyfriend of yours… take good care of him.”

Jeno smiled once again, he seemed to be conjuring the image of his lover on his mind. Jaemin was kinda jealous. He wished he could smile while thinking of Renjun. “I will…”

* * *

It was hard to pinpoint exactly when Jeno fell in love with Renjun.

He might as well have fallen for him at first sight. They had met each other on a bus. Jeno had pulled an all-nighter watching a drama and completely forgot he was supposed to go pick up his car from the tire shop. 

He was so tired that he didn’t notice when he fell asleep on the bus.

A soft shake woke him up and he was startled to notice that he had fallen asleep on the shoulder of the person next to him.

“Sorry to wake you, but I have to get down on the next stop.” said the boy. Jeno was so ashamed he quickly stood up and bowed to him repeatedly asking for forgiveness.

He was expecting a scolding or a snarky comment but the only thing he heard was a soft laugh. When he raised his head, he felt his heart skip a beat.

Jeno was so shaken after what had happened that when he came back to his senses, the boy had already gotten out of the bus and left Jeno standing there, without a name, without a number, and without knowing if he would ever see him again.

Or maybe he realized it was love that time when his aunt asked him to pick up his little cousin, Jisung from his dance class. Jeno had gotten lost on the way and arrived thirty minutes late. Everyone seemed to have left and the secretary directed him to one of the rooms. When he opened the door he found little Jisung, happily dancing next to another person.

Jeno was mesmerized by this man’s movements, so delicate but sharp at the same time. And the moment he looked at the teacher’s face, his pulse rate increased. ‘This could only be the work of fate,’ Jeno thought, for right in front of him stood the boy from the bus. However, this time he didn't fail to notice the boy's sad eyes which only made Jeno more intrigued and eager to get to know him.

But Jeno once again malfunctioned and was unable to utter a single word. Well, at least he knew where the boy worked. Next time he would surely ask for a name.

Maybe he fell in love the third time he saw Renjun. After all, ‘third time’s a charm’, right?

It was a rainy Saturday and Jeno was returning home after a horrible afternoon at his parents’ house. It all had been nice at first until Jeno’s mom started nagging about his future and how he was wasting precious time. His dad had even offered him a position at his company but Jeno refused. He wanted to choose his future for himself. So instead of arguing, he simply exited the house, took his car, and drove away.

He had been stopped by a red light when he decided to look out the window and clear his mind. It was then when he saw him.

The boy from the bus. Jisung’s dance teacher. The boy with the sad eyes.

The boy was drenched from the rain and desperately covering his head with his jacket while he carried a bag in his hand. Jeno’s heart was beating rapidly. This was the chance he had been waiting for.

Without thinking about it twice, he rolled the window down and called for the boy.

“D-do you need a ride?” Jeno tried to be nonchalant but his tongue had decided to betray him and stutter. 

“I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.” The rain made it kind of difficult to hear but Jeno got the general idea of it. He panicked and shook his hands uncontrollably. 

“I’m not a stranger! I’m Jisung’s cousin? I went to fetch him a few days ago?” He didn’t know why he kept intonating his answers as questions. He surely looked more suspicious now.

They were interrupted by the continuous sound of horns. The traffic light had changed to green and Jeno was blocking the vehicles from crossing. 

He was running out of options and he refused to let the boy go a third time but, to his surprise, he heard the passenger seat door opening and the dance teacher sitting next to him.

“I guess we’re even now.” mentioned the boy and Jeno arched an eyebrow in confusion. “I let you sleep on my shoulder and you give me a ride.”

Another angry horn had to take him out of his stupor because he couldn’t believe Renjun remembered him from that time.

He decided destiny had really been on his side that day when the boy offered him one of the cupcakes that were stored in the bag. Jeno had refused at first but Renjun had insisted arguing that he wouldn’t have been able to finish them all alone anyway.

Or he might have realized he was in love after they shared their first kiss. They were sitting on Jeno's floor surrounded by newspapers and highlighters. Renjun was trying to help him find a new job and they had decided to rest for a little while. Jeno's heart started beating fast when Renjun put his head on his shoulder and he knew he was completely lost when he looked down and Renjun was also looking at him. His body moved on his own and he stole a kiss from those beautiful lips that were calling him. However, he quickly retracted and whispered an apology but it fell into deaf ears because Renjun encircled his neck with his arms and guided him once again to meet his lips.

Or...

Maybe loving Renjun could not be calculated in moments. Maybe it all had been a process: Getting to know the other boy, learning that Renjun was not as strong as he appeared to be, discovering that he had wounds from the past that were still healing, working together to mend the other’s broken heart. 

Before Jeno knew it, he was in love. And he made sure to show it in every hug, in every kiss, in every touch. He vowed to never hurt Renjun and to cherish him for as long as he could.

* * *

Drinking parties at work were something Jaemin had grown accustomed to. Even if he didn’t get hammered as he used to before, he still didn’t miss a single one. Mainly because he had nothing else to do. It’s not like somebody was waiting for him at home.

On the other hand, Jeno was always in a rush to go home after work. Things seemed to be going well for the happy couple, and Jaemin was having a hard time suppressing the bitterness this generated inside of him. The truth was he saw Jeno as himself in the past, or maybe it would be more accurate to say that Jaemin saw him as the person he should have been when he was still with Renjun. 

Strangely, that night seemed to be a different case because Jeno had accepted to accompany them. When Jaemin asked why the sudden change of heart, Jeno scratched his nape and explained that his boyfriend was out having dinner with a friend and he would meet Jeno later.

“So you’re finally ready to introduce him to the rest of the guys?” Jaemin teased the other and laughed when Jeno shook his head frantically. 

“I still haven’t come out to them…” Jeno bit his lip and Jaemin swore he saw his cheeks reddening. “But maybe I should do it soon. After all…” He was still blushing and it was safe to say Jaemin was utterly confused. “I’m planning on proposing this month.”

Jaemin’s eyes grew bigger. He wasn’t sure for how long had they been dating but the adoration in Jeno’s eyes was simply hard to ignore. The adoration in them whenever he talked about his boyfriend was clear evidence of his feelings. Jaemin was honestly happy for his friend. 

After he came out of his initial shock, he patted Jeno’s back and gave him a proud smile. “Wow, Jeno. Be sure to invite me to the wedding then.” After that, he winked at the other man.

Jeno nodded excitedly. “I hope he says yes.” The way he tightly held his glass said he was nervous. 

“I don’t know your boyfriend but he would be really dumb to not say yes to you.” Jenos smiled after hearing his friend’s words. He had been searching for some kind of encouragement after his parents had told him they were completely against this relationship.

They kept drinking and laughing for a while when Jeno’s phone buzzed. Jaemin got to see the notification on the screen. The contact name was “Mine” followed by a heart emoji and the message simply read “I’m outside.” However, Jeno reacted as if he had been told the greatest news ever. Jaemin thought it was kind of endearing.

He got up from the table and bid his farewell to everyone. Some of their colleagues complained that he was leaving too early while others wished him luck on the way home. Jeno was truly liked by everyone at the office.

Jaemin was getting bored so he decided to leave as well. He grabbed his coat and both he and Jeno started making their way to the front door. However, Jeno announced that he had to make a quick trip to the bathroom and that Jaemin should get ahead. He was honestly relieved to hear that. Even if he wanted to meet Jeno’s soon-to-be fiancé, he didn’t want to be a third wheel. He said goodbye to Jeno and with slow steps, Jaemin exited the place. 

He would have never been prepared for what was waiting for him outside. 

Right there, covered in white snowflakes, stood none other than Huang Renjun.

The boy was looking at his phone but when he felt a presence he lifted his head, already preparing a smile… but it fell flat the moment he saw who was in front of him.

“Injun...” He missed the way the other’s name rolled off of his tongue perfectly. He was so ready to drop it all, to go hug him and beg him to come back to his life, to tell him that he had been wrong and there was no way Jaemin could get over him.

But all the words got stuck on his throat when Renjun looked down and mumbled a weak. “Don’t call me that.”

Without thinking, he walked slowly until he was standing right in front of the other boy. It had been two years, but he felt the love blooming in his heart like it did the first day they met each other. He lifted his hand and was about to caress Renjun’s cheek, he was only a few centimeters away when a voice took him out of his trance and made him drop his hand.

“Sorry for taking too long!” At that moment, Jeno came out of the restaurant and quickly ran to stand next to Renjun and it was only then that Jaemin had a horrible realization

“Oh? I see you two already met each other.” Jeno was smiling so wide that made Jaemin want to throw up. “Renjun, this is the nice senior I’ve talked to you about.” He then faced Jaemin and introduced Renjun as his boyfriend while gently intertwining his hands with the shorter male.

Jaemin was ready to break into pieces right then and there. Jeno’s boyfriend, the one he used to gush about all the time, who sometimes prepared homemade meals for Jeno, who sent him encouraging text messages to get through the day… It had always been Renjun. His Renjun.

He didn’t know what hurt him more. The painful realization that Renjun already belonged to someone else or the indifferent tone he used to introduce himself to Jaemin. “Thanks for taking care of Jeno, please keep doing it in the future.”

Jaemin couldn’t even utter a word. Jeno looked so happy while Renjun looked so uncomfortable and it was all a little too much for him. He quickly bowed and almost ran in the opposite direction, too afraid that they might have seen his tears threatening to fall.

He ran, ran and ran, and when he thought he was far enough, he screamed while bawling his eyes out. 

Renjun loved someone else. Renjun had moved on. Renjun had found Jeno, his friend. Renjun no longer needed him.

And the last thought that made him fall apart completely: Jeno was going to propose to Renjun.

* * *

Jaemin practically became a zombie after that night. He slept the bare minimum, he forgot to eat his meals, his performance at his job wasn’t as good, and of course, he made sure of not running into Jeno at all.

He made up excuses and ran away whenever he saw that the other boy was close by. One time Jeno invited him to have lunch during the break but Jaemin refused with the excuse that he had been assigned a new project that would keep him busy for quite a long time so he would let Jeno know whenever he was free. Of course, that would not happen anytime soon.

Jaemin didn’t know how but he managed to stay away from Jeno for a whole month. However, he still watched him leaving the office, just in case Renjun would magically turn up at the entrance one day. But of course, that never happened.

After their encounter, Jaemin predicted that Renjun would try to avoid meeting him. But oh, how much Jaemin wished to be able to just talk to Renjun once again, to hear his voice addressing him. And at the same time, he was scared he wouldn’t be able to control himself if Renjun looked his way once again.

He was sure. He had never stopped loving him, he just pretended he did so he could make believe that he had moved on. How could he even think about that when his walls were still covered by Renjun’s messages.

The impulse to hang out with Jeno once again and ask him to bring Renjun along was getting too strong. Jaemin knew that even if Jeno was his friend, he wouldn’t be able to think rationally if he ever saw Injun again. He wasn’t that strong.

He was so busy going through the options inside his head that he had forgotten something very important, and reality was in charge of slapping him on the face when Jeno approached him with an envelope and a shy smile.

Jaemin was not dumb. He had seen the exact same envelope in the hand of his coworkers during the whole day and he was dreading the content of it.

His breath caught the moment he read the horrible words contained inside the envelope: “Kindly join us for the wedding of Lee Jeno and Huang Renjun.” He felt his insides twisting. The only thing he wanted to do was break that invitation into pieces and tell Jeno that this was a horrible mistake, that Renjun was supposed to be with him, that he didn’t know Renjun like Jaemin.

But he just sat there, thanked Jeno, and focused on his computer once again. He didn’t miss the hurt look on Jeno’s face but Jaemin couldn’t bring himself to pretend anymore. He just kept smashing the keyboard, trying to redirect his rage to somewhere else.

Just like that, a month went by, and Jaemin felt as lost as he had felt the first time Renjun had walked out of his life.

The drunken nights were as common as breathing. He made a futile attempt to clear his head inviting strangers to his bed but he always woke up feeling even more hollow than before. He also often had nightmares about Renjun in a white suit, walking down the aisle with a smile on his face and Jaemin was not the one waiting for him on the other end… Only to find out that wasn’t only a nightmare, it was his reality.

His work had also been severely affected by his depressive state. The only reason why he hadn’t been fired yet was Jeno. Jeno often helped him last minute, he modified his reports, added new ideas to his projects, reorganized his documents, and more. Jaemin knew he should be thankful to the other boy but he only felt jealousy. How can Jeno be so perfect? How could everybody like him? Why wasn’t he as good as Jeno? Why hadn’t Renjun chosen him in the end? 

Jaemin was so frustrated with himself that he took it out on Jeno once. He said he didn’t need his help, that Jeno was a nuisance, that surely he felt superior. Jaemin knew he was being an asshole but he couldn’t stop himself, he had too much pent-up frustration that was bound to explode at some point. Jeno had only apologized while wearing a miserable expression and he never dared to talk to Jaemin again.

* * *

Jaemin woke up on July 23rd feeling nauseous. 

Today was the day when all his nightmares came true.

He had really considered not going and saving himself from the pain, but a small voice in his head told him that this could be the last chance he had to get Renjun back. He knew he couldn’t be the only one feeling this overwhelming love. The feelings were real, they had to be, for both of them. 

So he grabbed his best suit from the wardrobe and tried to conceal his eyebags as best as he could -too bad he had never been good at applying makeup-. After inspecting himself in the mirror and deciding he looked presentable, he called a cab and went to get the love of his life back.

The place the happy couple had chosen for the wedding was a big house in the outskirts of town which had a big garden where the ceremony would take place. He didn’t say hi to anyone when he arrived and his eyes quickly scanned the place. There seemed to be no signs of Renjun.

He had arrived rather early so the ceremony had not yet started. The attendees had not even sat down yet and were chatting amicably. He could see Jeno in the distance, with a big smile on his face and happily talking with two older women. Jaemin tried not to look at Jeno too much or he would surely back down… It’s not like he was a douche, he felt bad for what he was about to do but he couldn’t hold back anymore. He couldn’t see Jeno being happy at the expense of him.

His mind was clouded by desperation so he entered the only place he hadn’t checked yet, the house. There were some more people making conversation in the living room and on the far end of the room he spotted a set of stairs. He wasn’t sure if Renjun was up there but he was ready to search the whole damn house if he needed to do it.

But it looked like he wouldn’t have to search that hard, for the moment he stepped into the second-floor hallway, he saw someone he didn’t think he would see again.

Lee Donghyuck, Renjun’s best friend.

If Donghyuck was here then Injun couldn’t be that far and Jaemin suspected he might be behind the door Donghyuck seemed to be guarding.

He approached the door without a second thought and Donghyuck seemed to have perceived the movement from the corner of his eye because, not even a second after he had made his first step, The tanned boy locked eyes with him and immediately frowned.

“You have some nerve coming here…” said the boy with gritted teeth. Jaemin could see his hands were making a fist.

“Look, I don’t want to cause trouble, I just… want to talk to Renjun.” answered Jaemin desperately. He was running out of time. The ceremony could start at any minute.

“And what makes you think you have the right to speak to him?” Donghyuck squinted his eyes and didn’t move an inch from the door. 

Jaemin was losing his patience. He was about to shove the other boy away when a voice stopped all his movements and made the hair on his neck raise.

“It’s okay… Let him in.” Renjun had opened the door and addressed Donghyuck. His best friend looked surprised and even a little betrayed.

“But…” Donghyuck was ready to fight but Renjun only shook his head. Then he looked at Jaemin and he lost his breath. Injun looked beautiful. He was wearing a clean white suit. The coat was adorned with little silver chains which were a perfect combination for his makeup, which also followed the same color pattern.

He ignored Donghyuck’s protests and entered the room. He couldn’t think or see anything that wasn’t Huang Renjun.

“If you take more than ten minutes, I’m calling Jeno.” whispered Donghyuck and closed the door behind them.

They were finally alone.

Jaemin thought he could cry right there on the spot.

Renjun looked at him and  _ smiled. _ “It’s been a while.” said the only boy he had ever loved with a soft voice and Jaemin couldn’t help it anymore. He threw his body on Renjun and clung to him desperately, fingers digging in his flesh, afraid to let go once again.

He felt Injun’s body stiffen but he refused to let go. Without even noticing, tears were streaming down his face. He had missed Renjun so much. Jaemin can’t believe there had been a time he thought he could live without him. “You were wrong…” repeated Jaemin in between sobs.

“What do you mean?” answered Renjun, not trying to escape from Jaemin’s hug but also not moving.

“You said I would get over you but I can’t....” He cried even harder than before while he buried his head in the other boy’s shoulder. “Why did you come home with me that day at the club? Why did you leave the next morning without saying anything?” Despite being drunk, he remembered the feeling of that night vividly. 

Jaemin heard Renjun sigh and felt a pang on his chest. “That night… was a mistake Jaemin. You know it as well as I do.”

“Don’t get married,” Jaemin said firmly and he felt how Renjun froze in place once again. “Please, let’s start again, I’ll treat you better this time. I never stopped loving you and I don’t believe you did.” The desperation in his voice was quite obvious by that time. He kept thinking of their future together, of post-it notes, of carefully made lunchboxes, of kisses on the doorway…He was about to let go of him when he felt two small hands hugging him back. He still had hope. Not everything was lost, not yet.

His thoughts were interrupted when Renjun started talking. “You know… Two years ago, on the day that was supposed to be our anniversary, I was going to go back to you.” After hearing this important information, Jaemin separated a little from Renjun and grabbed him by the arms in surprise. “I had even bought some cupcakes and everything. I know you never liked sweet stuff so I was gonna give them to you as a joke.”

“And what happened? Why didn’t you come? I was looking for you everywhere.” Jaemin’s eyes were hopeful but also confused. Renjun had thought of him, of them… but he never made it, why?

“That day… I… I was having a lot of doubts about returning to you, Jaemin. I kept asking the universe to give me some kind of sign about what to do.” He didn’t like listening to that, but he knew he deserved that. It was easy to regain someone’s confidence after fucking it up big time as Jaemin had done. “When I came out of the studio, it started raining heavily. I took that as the first sign.” Jaemin was about to protest but Renjun continued. “But as I was going to cross the street to head to your apartment, Jeno pulled over and offered me a ride.”

Jaemin’s head hung low. He shook his head continuously, refusing to believe what he just heard. It was as if Renjun was telling him that there was no chance for them anymore. Jeno had appeared when he most needed it.

“I often think of what might have happened if Jeno hadn’t appeared that day… And honestly, I don’t think we might have worked out, Jaemin.”

“Don’t say that.” Jaemin’s eyes were somber. “Our love was real. I loved you, Renjun. I still do!” Jaemin had to let him see, had to show him some way that his feelings were honest. So he closed the distance between them. 

But right when he was about to taste those lips he had missed so much, Renjun turned his head away with a pitiful expression.

Disbelief adorned Jaemin’s face when he looked at Renjun’s watery eyes. But he understood it all after the next sentence the other boy muttered.

“I’m not doing to Jeno the same thing you did to me.”

Jaemin let go of Renjun and looked down. He was such a selfish prick. He didn’t think of Jeno or Renjun, he only thought about himself. A moment ago, he felt so ready to just destroy the happiness of two important people to him but now… he just felt like an idiot. It looked like he hadn’t learned anything. He was still the same stupid kid he had been a long time ago. 

“I understand…” He whispered and made his way to the door. Renjun hesitated. It looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it last minute. Jaemin was glad he did. They both knew now… There was nothing left to say.

He made his way to the big garden once again, hoping that his red eyes went unnoticed. Luckily Donghyuck hadn’t gone back to the room with Jeno as he had promised, otherwise, he was afraid it would have been a very awkward sight.

All the guests were sitting down, waiting for the ceremony to begin so Jaemin quickly slid into one of the chairs, far away from his coworkers, just in case anyone decided to speak to him. He had thought about leaving, that would have been less painful but still, he wanted to see Renjun being happy. He wanted to stop being so selfish.

This time, when he watched Jeno pacing back and forth in front of the altar, drying his sweaty hands on the fabric of his pants, Jaemin didn’t feel the crushing jealousy he did before. He just hoped Jeno wouldn’t make the same mistakes he did and that he would take care of Renjun.

However, Jaemin couldn’t deny the pang on the chest he felt when he saw Jeno’s expression when Renjun was walking down the aisle. He looked like the happiest man alive. And that he was, because Huang Renjun had chosen him.

Jaemin watched as they exchanged vows and he tried to smile, but he was sure the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He thought a lot about his future while he was sitting on that chair. He had spent many years hung up on a relationship that wasn’t meant to be. He needed to take control of the reigns of his life once again.

He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice when the ceremony ended and how someone was standing next to him a few minutes later. 

“I didn’t think you would come.” It was Jeno, offering him a glass of champagne.

Among Jaemin’s decisions for the future, stopping being petty with Jeno was one of the first resolutions. He smiled at the other boy and grabbed the glass with a small smile. “I wouldn’t have missed it…” 

Jeno smiled as well, relief painted on his face. Jaemin knew he had been unfair to Jeno. “You are a very lucky guy, Jeno.” This time, the words weren’t tainted with some hidden negativity. He looked at Renjun while saying that phrase. The boy was laughing and drinking with Donghyuck and other people. “Take care of him.”

“I will,” Jeno answered faster than Jaemin had expected. He seemed to not have any doubt left in his heart and Jaemin couldn’t help but have some respect for his friend. “Thank you for coming, Jaemin… It really means a lot. And if I ever did something that upset you just know that I’m sorry-”

Jaemin shook his head and put a hand on Jeno’s shoulder. “If there’s someone who should be apologizing, I guess that’s me.” Jeno was about to protest but Jaemin didn’t let him. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been feeling good these last months but it wasn’t your fault, Jeno.”

“Hey, you know if you need to talk about anything, you can count on me, right?” Jeno said with a serious expression and Jaemin didn’t think he deserved such kindness coming from this boy. How could he have been so heartless to want to destroy this boy’s happiness?

“I know…” Still, it was better if Jeno didn’t know about it. At least not for now. If Renjun ever wanted to tell Jeno about his relationship with Jaemin, so be it. Jaemin wasn’t going to involve himself anymore.

Their heartfelt chat was interrupted when soft music started to play and Donghyuck quickly yanked Jeno by the arm -while throwing Jaemin a dirty look- and threw him to Renjun so they could have their first dance as newlyweds together.

Jaemin silently raised his glass to the smiley dancing couple and wished them a life full of joy. He wished they could be strong enough to hold each other, to talk things through, to not lose sight of the love they both shared.

Couples started flooding the dance floor and Jaemin felt this was as good a time as ever to leave. There was nothing left for him to do there. 

However, right as he turned around, he felt a hand grabbing his arm and when he turned around, he was met with the face of his angel and his devil. The person who made him feel like he was in heaven but also like he was falling from the sky to his doom. Huang Renjun. Jaemin always seemed to be reduced to just a lost satellite who was always hopelessly pulled by Renjun’s gravity.

Renjun gave him a sad smile and pulled his arm. “Let’s have one last dance…”

How could he say no? He would always be a sucker for this boy. But how long was Renjun going to torture him? He had already made up his mind and he would not interfere with the couple anymore. Still, for the sake of old times, and to leave with at least one nice memory, he decided to accept.

“I saw you talking with Jeno,” said Renjun while they swayed across the dance floor, their movements kind of awkward.

“I didn’t tell him anything about us if that’s what you’re worried about.” Jaemin was really conscious of his right hand clasped together with Renjun’s and his other hand resting in the smaller boy’s waist. He looked for Jeno and when their eyes met, Jeno arched an eyebrow but then he smiled at Jaemin. He couldn’t help but wonder if Jeno had somehow read the situation or if he was still living in blissful ignorance.

Renjun shook his head but still thanked Jaemin for that. “I plan on telling him… but not today. Maybe he will need some time but I’m sure he will still want to be friends with you. Jeno is very fond of you, you know?” 

Jaemin released a breathy laugh. “He’s a nice kid… I can’t think of anyone more deserving of you.” He followed the direction of Renjun’s head and he found out the boy was staring at Jeno and smiling as if he also believed those words were true.

After realizing Jaemin had been looking at him, Renjun bit his lips and directed his eyes to the ground before whispering a question.

“Can we… go back to being friends?”

Jaemin gave Renjun a weak smile. “I don’t know Renjun… I still need time.” He separated his hands from Renjun’s body when he noticed the song was over. “I’m planning on moving away for a while.”

The other boy looked surprised but he didn’t protest or said anything. Renjun knew he was in no position of asking Jaemin to do anything. He put a hand on his ex-boyfriend’s shoulder. “Then you can visit us when you have it all sorted out.”

“I’ll hold on to that offer then.” He squeezed Renjun’s hand which was on his shoulder and gave him one final smile. After that, he guided Renjun through the dance floor and passed his hand over to Jeno who seemed to have been waiting for them.

Jeno took Renjun’s hand and gave him a little peck. 

“I wish you both a lifetime of love and happiness.” were his final words before he turned around to leave the venue.

It was hard to pinpoint when Jaemin knew it was all over… 

Maybe it was right after his conversation with Renjun.

Maybe every decision he had made until then had led up to that moment.

Maybe their relationship was doomed from the start

Or maybe it made no sense to look for a specific point in time or excuses or reasons…

Maybe it was time to stop being stuck in the past and focusing on his future.

For Renjun was already someone else’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! It's kind of sad but I guess that's life sometimes ;;  
> Please tell me what you think! Your comments and opinions always help an author grow! ^_^  
> You're free to hit me up on twitter @wblobfishbells ✨


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